esplanade library is gorgeous, uni apps aren’t. actually the thought of explaining my entire existence in less than 1400 characters or so is daunting. i want the admissions directors to know who exactly i am, but am i sure of it myself? i’ve gone through many evolutions, 180 deg swings for personality, from extro to intro to back again to extro, driven to unsure, uncertain, back to driven like how i earned a place in raffles is earning it good enough? is being the best i can be good enough? surely it cant, there are variations to good, i may not be the same person i am in another few years or so, how can they predict that what they want to produce is what they produce at the end of a good 4-5 years or so
are mere statements loaded with promise good enough? there is only so much words can convey, there are only so much conversations can convey. only actions are truly synonymous with who you can be and who you are and it’s so difficult, a part of me wants to challenge the system but what’s the better alternative? an opportunity cost forgone, i would never know.
today, was reading hazlitt’s one lesson of economics and im very delightfully surprised at his very simplistic style of writing : lovely. also i wished during my econs paper that i had finished hazlitt’s book a bit earlier, bc his argument came out !!!! and i was like bruh i know this *hands up in the air like gurl i know this ish*
i knew chem was disastrous, more than about time i revisit foundations and assure myself of an A by the end of the year. on a sidenote, its the last phase of the syf chiong, less than 2 weeks to performance, muscles aching but it’s all good, i love the pain of knowing I’ve worked really hard to a goal i truly want to achieve, albeit the drama that came with us getting the performance to this stage. every single time i take a step, it hurts but it’s the fulfilling kind of hurt. we’ll see where this goes, i need to let myself come to peace with the fact that i will go to where i need to go, overseas or not and that place would best prepare me for where i want to be, parallel to what the universe needs me to be. im just going to do my best till there 🙂